A Case of the Cyber Mondays

Guess what day it is today… yup, that’s right it’s Cyber Monday! “Already!” you say. Yes, Cyber Monday has come once again this year and just in time, it seems to save us all from recession an the threat of dying underfoot at a Wal-Mart. For those of you who don’t know what Cyber Monday is allow me to explain. And I’ll try to explain in a way in which you’ll understand because you are clearly either 1,000 years old or Amish: Cyber Monday is ye olde shopping day that transpires on the Monday following Black Friday (ye olde shopping day that transpires Thanksgiving). Cyber Monday tis the most wonderous online shopping day of the year in which many shopkeeps collectively assemble and discount their wares, much to the joy of shoppers around the county and state.

Basically Cyber Monday is a holiday for people for whom materialism really is the reason for the season. Let’s not take that away from them. Finally we can stop pretending that we enjoy spending time with family and just sit alone in our basements, buy their presents, and ship it to them without ever needing to see the light of day.

“What’s so great about Cyber Monday?” you ask. It is a magical time of year for many reasons. First of all it is done all online, which means it is traditionally celebrated by the men, women, and students who all return to the workplace or school following the Thanksgiving holiday and don’t feel like doing any work yet so they finish up their shopping online. “But didn’t they get all their shopping done on Black Friday?” No, they didn’t because unlike Cyber Monday, on Black Friday you have to wait in line for 5 hours just to get into the store! Not only do you not have to deal with the lines, but you also don’t have to deal with parking, trampling, drunk driving charges, and shootings that have become the popular means of celebrating Black Friday in the past couple of years. Best of all you are using your credit card so its like its not even real money. You can spend as much as you want!

“So how can I celebrate Cyber Monday?” Another excellent question. You may have already been thinking of particular stores or websites that have what you’re looking for. But what about all the vitally important things that you need that you didn’t even know existed, like robotic pet chickens that respond to your touch? Well fortunately retailers have gotten together and formed www.cybermonday.com, featuring many of the participating retailers and as if that weren’t enough, they have a “deals of the hour” section that highlight that particular hour’s super deep discounts. It truly is a Cyber Monday miracle.

But just like that kid in the back of the bus who told you that Santa doesn’t exist, there are those would bring their gloom and general scrooginess to Cyber Monday as well. When someone says, “Cyber Monday” is just a made up “Hallmark Holiday” and isn’t real.” You just tell them what my mother told me, “If you don’t believe in the Cyber Monday Fairy, she won’t believe in you.” And remember, not every Grinch is going to be converted.

So for those of you who have caught the holiday fever, stop reading this blog and start shopping. It’s just about time for the new hourly specials at cybermonday.com. Merry Cyber Monday, and to all a good night.