If You're Reading This Blog It Must Be Finals Week

I have some bad news, it seems that finals week has come once again. This is the annual event that comes just before times of great joy and freedom. Its kind of like the last mile in a marathon, only in this case the last mile is through a river of lava full of piranhas.

Much like a recession, the term “finals week” is kind of loosely defined. There are, however, a few methods for determining whether or not we have cause to panic. Take this simple quiz to find out if your school is currently in the middle of “finals week”

1. Go to your nearest school library. Stand in the middle and pull out your cell phone. Now proceed to call every single non-family member in your phonebook. If it really is finals week, you will hear the corresponding ring of 85% of your contact list coming from somewhere in the library.
2. Coffee prices at the local watering hole have gone up like gas on memorial day.
3. Your study group actually talks about the class for once.
4. Your syllabus says “Finals Week.”
5. You are so desperate for distraction that you start reading blogs.

Check and check. It may be finals week, but that’s no reason to get down. Finals week, much like puberty, is an important part of growing up. Sure, you’re going to want to burn every picture taken during this time of life, and you’re probably going to wind up with a nickname that you hope your children will never find out about. But just imagine a world without finals for a moment. A world where we can just forget about our responsibilities and where all your friends are always around. It would be the most wonderful place ever.

But the fact is, we don’t live in that magical world of make-believe. We live in a world that was built and forged by kids who not only took finals, but studied for them as well. Would we have such great inventions as the wheel, baseball, or chocolate if people hadn’t studied hard at college and aced their finals? I don’t know I didn’t bother to look them up.

I predict a future beyond our imaginations as a result of this year’s finals. A future with hover bikes, and entire towns dedicated to the study of the stars called “universe-cities.” But mostly I’m just waiting for new breakthroughs in robotic research in which scientists invent robots that will take my stupid finals for me.